More Than Serving Tea

Guilt

2008-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

"She is so motivated by guilt...."

It's a descriptor that I have often heard other people say. They are describing one woman or another, and explaining why she is going to amazing lengths, to do some amazing feat, that no one else thinks is really necessary.

I often get questions about the book. People ask if there is something that I wish we could change. There isn't much I would change at this point. But I do wish that we were able to write one more chapter on guilt.

Guilt seems somehow different from shame. Many books have addressed the especially potent shame factor in Asian contexts. However, guilt seems to be a particularly strong emotion. And it also seems to rest heavy on Asian women. I've seen women who are almost oppressed by it--guilt makes the act and takes their joy from them. Sometimes guilt is directed towards the family. Other times it is directed towards anyone in general. Somehow, it seems to me that that is not how God intended us to live.

If you have any thoughts about guilt, and how it uniquely plays out in the Asian female experience, I would be particularly interested.

moving my posts

2008-08-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well, for the past few months I (Kathy Khang) have been the only one of the authors to post rather infrequent posts on this site. I had hoped that my fellow author would figure out here login so I could gain access to change things on the blog, etc. but alas the password seems forever lost.

So, I am moving my attempts at blogging to another site so I can tinker with the format and deal with my control issues (wink, wink). Thank you for reading, and see you over at morethanservingtea.wordpress.com

Kathy

Our debt is paid (well, at least this one is)

2008-05-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

We wrote the last check to Clark Township Ambulance Service this afternoon.

Two years ago this June, our youngest child Elias suffered a series of seizures while we were up at Cedar Campus training students in evangelism. We heard words and phrases like "life-support intercept" and "life-saving measures" while Elias had a team of medical professionals and beeping machines crowd around him and crowd us out of the room. He was wearing his red "Cars" t-shirt and army green cargo pants, and he looked so small and lifeless that afternoon.

Elias and I had four ambulance rides and our one and probably only ride in a private jet - a medical air ambulance that flew us from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to Ann Arbor. The head of the pediatric neurology department at the U of Michigan hospital lead a team of doctors and excited med students on Elias' case.

We learned a lot about MRIs, CTs, EKGs, blood draws, intubation, extubation, ventilators.

We learned a lot about despair and hope, prayer and God's voice, control and surrender.

And we learned a lot about grace and the people of God. Within hours, people around the world, most of whom we will never meet this side of heaven, were praying for us and on our behalf - uttering prayers that at times we didn't have the energy to speak or hope ourselves. People helped pack up our belongings, care for our other two children, open up their home, offer their cars, call up medical specialists. I am still moved to tears when I remember the outpouring of love and care and compassion.

God's provision for us continued months later as the medical bills kept coming and my colleagues at InterVarsity Christian Fellowship opened up their wallets to help us pay for the mounting bills.

How did that happen? My then-supervisor had a fund set up at her church and the director of Asian American ministries sent out a letter to the Asian American staff of InterVarsity, inviting them to care for one of the family. As a national ministry, we often refer to ourselves as a ministry, a movement, an organization, a family. For ethnic staff, there is a deeper affinity having a common history, a common story and heart language, and in this situation my Asian American staff family did what our families of origin have modeled for us - Christ's sacrificial love.

Their selfless giving moved my parents who in their decades of church ministry had never seen such a response.

It has been almost two years, and Elias has yet to have another seizure. Until this month, we had monthly reminders of our dark night of the soul as we made payments to cover the bills. Those monthly payments completely overshadowed by Elias' laughter and playful soul.

The ambulance check? The airlift check? The hospital check?

Check. Check. Check.

Mom, can we talk?

2008-04-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

I came home earlier than usual tonight and noticed the light in my daughter's room was still on.

"Mom, can we talk?"

A dear friend of hers has not been eating lunch. "Amy" goes through all of the motions, buying lunch or bringing something from home, eating a few chips, taking a sip of water, and then gives the rest away or tosses it out. Amy says she's not hungry. Apparently Amy has not been hungry for lunch for at least three weeks.

My daughter was in tears. Lunch period is the only time these two see each other during the day, but a few friends have also noticed Amy's lack of appetite.

"Anorexia. What if it's anorexia? Does she think she's fat? She's not fat, Mom. She's beautiful just the way she is. She needs to eat."

In my dark moments, I look at my daughter, and I worry. I watch for signs of depression (something I've struggled with). I watch for signs of an eating disorder or preoccupation with weight (something I've watched friends struggle with) - making sure she isn't just pushing food around or going to the bathroom after meals. I watch for my shadows cast onto her tween years...

My awkward stage lasted a good 10 years. Bad haircuts, glasses, braces, uncool clothes, a flat nose and almond-shaped eyes evolved into more bad haircuts, glasses, straighter teeth, clothes that screamed "board room" or "goth", a flat nose and almond-shaped eyes that were forbidden to be tainted with eyeshadow. My sense of rhythm, my $2,000 smile and my killer moves got me a spot on the pom-pon squad, but even the varsity letter couldn't cover up the fact that I felt, and actually was, very uncool and very misunderstood.

So I watch my own daughter and wonder if she'll feel anything like I did. I watch for the awkward stage as girls shed their little girl bodies and giggles and find their way into womanhood and reclaim their laughter and voice. I watch for the tsunami of hormones to rage into door slamming declarations that I'm ruining her life. So far, the hormones have focused on her forehead and height.

"Bethany, how do you feel about yourself? Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how God sees you?"

"I know, Mom. I know," she said with a smile that held nothing back. "I like the way I am. I'm just worried she's starving herself."

We prayed for an opportunity to talk with Amy and for courage to be honest and ask questions. And I prayed in my heart that both Amy and Bethany would know and believe deep in their hearts, minds and souls that they - as physically different as they are - are both beautiful, strong and wonderfully, fearfully made.

Oh, Lord. Please help her know. Please help me to guide her well.

Have I feminized the church by submitting and being silent? Or how can I become Christ-like if Jesus is the Ultimate Fighting Champion?

2008-04-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'm confused.

I've seen this list - "Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained For Ministry at Serving Bread" linked on several websites during the past few days. The comments in response range from high fives and laughter to not-so-brief sermon outlines on why women should not teach/preach/be ordained/so/on/and/so/forth.

Personally, I almost cried. Yes, a few of the reasons brought a smirk to my face, and I laughed...out loud. I've heard each one of those reasons turned around in some form as an argument against women taking any form of leadership in the church. But I was quickly reminded of how I've been deeply hurt, and paused. I do not want to be the cause of such hurt for my brothers.

For me this isn't an "issue". Issues can often be boiled down to convenient sound bytes or 32-point headlines. No. I can't boil this one down to 15-seconds because my story and the stories of my sisters can't be reduced to that. No. Women in ministry/leadership is life.

So I'm confused because in the same week I'm also reading posts and comments about the feminization of the church being a turn-off to manly men. Phrases like "chickified church boys" and "Ultimate Fighting champion" popped up. The call to reclaim the masculinity of the church is getting louder. Somehow women who are not allowed to lead/teach/hold authority over men have so incredibly influenced the culture of the church that some believe it's time to pump up the testosterone, grab a weapon and reclaim the Bride.

So now Jesus, instead of being a fair-skinned, wavy-haired blonde with blue eyes who sits by sheep, lambs or little children, is now being painted as a chest-thumping, nose-punching dude who in some other version of the story took down those guards in the garden.

If I'm getting all of these messages straight I'm supposed to be transformed, become Christ-like, which should be a manly dude who had calloused hands as he prepared to lead a revolution. But I'm not supposed to be like that because I'm actually a chick who has chickified the church because I only want the sensitive-Jesus.

And what about my Asian American brothers who are often reduced to slanty-eyed geeks (anyone remember "Sixteen Candles"?) or kung-fu masters (and Jackie Chan still can't get the girl)? Or my African American brothers who are reduced to gun-toting thugs? Or my Latino brothers who are reduced to border-crossing "illegals"? Are they manly enough or too manly for the church?

I'm deeply offended that any male pastor would speak of women with such a derogatory tone. I'm hurt and angry that the few manly men left in the feminized Church, no matter what stand they take on women ordination, aren't speaking out against such belittling speech about their mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. I don't want politically-correct rhetoric, but I do long for grace-infused conversations with people ready to learn from people whose cultures, experiences, and heart languages are different; willing to be corrected, admit they were wrong, confess they wronged others; open to the possibility that we have a way to go to understanding and following Jesus.

I'm sad because it seems I am not the only one who is confused. Are we are losing our way?

Toddlers & tummy tucks

2008-04-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

OMG. There's a new book written by a plastic surgeon to help women who are having plastic surgery walk through the process with their toddlers and young children. My kids are 12, 8 and 6. They would notice if this mommy came home with a new nose or bigger breasts.

Let's be honest here. I have my moments of vanity. I'm a moisturizer junkie, who has also had to curb my appetite for nail polish. A few months after giving birth to my daughter, I had my eyeliner tattooed onto my eyelids. (Yes, it hurt...a lot. But childbirth hurt more...much more.) I have a thing for great haircuts and hair color, and the local beauty school has allowed for the occasional splurge - a facial for $15!

And I've thought about plastic surgery - breast augmentation to be specific. A boob job to be blunt. I wrote a little bit about my personal body image dilemma in "More Than Serving Tea" in the chapter on sexuality. I'm petite with an upper body that looks the same as I did in 6th grade. Finding tailored clothes, even a nice dress, becomes a hunt for the holy grail simply because those darts in the front are meant for some other woman.

I can laugh about it, but when I'm honest there are moments when I compare myself to the media's images of beauty. I walk away defeated and a bit confused. And I wonder what would it be like to go under the knife.

There are a few things that stop me.

1. Money - those who know me know that I would never pay for plastic surgery even if I could.

2. Pain - again, those who know me know I have a very high tolerance for pain. However, after watching Dr. 90210 one night and catching a glimpse of an actual breast augmentation I recognized my limits for pain.

3. Hypocrisy - one of my struggles is to love my neighbor as myself...I had a hard time loving myself and therefore loving others. So, I am a sinner saved by grace who is learning and longing to love her embodied self. Imagine the conversation I would have with my daughter or my neighbors - "God loves you and knew what He was doing when He created you, your mind, your heart, your body....oh, and by the way, I got a boob job because even though God loves me I wanted to improve on His plans."

Oversimplified? Yes. But I see my middle school-aged daughter begin to play around with hairstyles, decide what "looks good" in terms of clothing and lip gloss, take delight in her growth spurt that puts her about two inches shy of me. She's beautiful - all of her. And I listen to my two boys who could care less about lip gloss, except when I get it on them, but sit on my lap and lean into me to say, "Mommy, you're beautiful except when you yell."

But the sun is finally out, and pool season is just around the corner...

Would you ever go under the knife?

Asian American worship leaders - women, raise your hands

2008-03-27T14:47:00.001-07:00

So, are any of you worship leaders? Are any of you worship leaders out there women? And in what church/ministry contexts are you leading in?

What have you been learning about yourself? about worship? about God as you lead people in worship?

What are your struggles? Joys? Rants and raves? And how do you think being Asian American, being a woman (or a man) impact your leadership?

After three years of a sort-of-self-imposed, waiting-on-God silence, I am singing again. I am leading again. I am breathing again.

Many thanks to mentors like Jennifer and Emily and leaders like Brian and Han. They reminded me to get over myself and to ask God to shape me.

Silencing Ourselves

2008-03-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

I spent some time this past weekend with a great group of students and youth ministry leaders at North Park University's Center for Youth Ministry Studies Topics course on ministering to Asian American Youth. Many thanks to Dr. Jim, Ginny and Alison for being such gracious hosts!

My role was sharing stories about "Growing Up Asian American" and connecting my bicultural upbringing with my philosophy of ministry and how I've approached faith and ministry through that lens. Before writing More Than Serving Tea, I had never seriously considered how storytelling might be a significant part of my teaching voice...but that's for another day.

For this particular course it was helping connect the dots between the Asian American experience of liminality and how we as Christians also experience a similar in between-ness as ones who are in this world but are not to be of this world. It was helping young youth ministry leaders serving cross-culturally understand that they are to be students as they are teachers and leaders. It was also blessing majority culture white students and African American students and thanking them for the ways their cultures bless Asian Americans.

But in the midst of all this great dialogue and discussion were a few bittersweet moments. One such moment was when a young woman approached me and described how she had begun silencing herself in ministry contexts after she had gotten married. She and her husband serve the church together, but my sense was that it was a two-for-one deal - he is the leader, and she is his wife who also serves.

Tracey Gee writes about this in the book (p. 177). Women becoming the quiet "sidekicks" of their husbands or their male ministry partners. Somewhere along the line, and I think mistakenly so, godly submission is too often translated by ourselves and others into silence and subservience.

The session was about to start up again, so there was little time for conversation. It felt a bit trite to remind her that she was to be a steward of God's gifts of leadership and teaching, not because it's unimportant to encourage and bless one another as women but that it's not the only way to stop one another from silencing ourselves. The beauty and irony of it is that we need men to advocate for us, invite us to the table, share the power and authority. We are not supposed to be alone in silence.

It's no secret. I'd like to have more of an audience with the men of the church because there are too many women's whose gifts for the Kingdom are being overlooked, overshadowed, ignored or invalidated.

What would an honest and gracious conversation between the Asian American women and men of the church look like? And what might that do to further to conversations of about faith and Christ?

What's in a name?

2008-02-19T11:32:00.000-08:00

What should I do?

I noticed on Sunday that Peter and I now have nametags at church, but it took me a minute to figure it out simply because it wasn't my name.

"Kathy Chang" was next to "Peter Chang". I recognized Peter's name, but I did not recognize mine because that's not who I am.

I did not take his last name when we got married. I was young, idealistic and slightly rebellious. I had just begun to establish a career in journalism, and enjoyed seeing my byline. And when I thought of my parents eventually giving away their two daughters in holy matrimony, there was a pang in my heart. I would become one with my husband, but my name was so tied with my family of origin. If they were really gaining a son, did they have to lose their daughter in the process?

I didn't set out to make a statement with keeping my last name. I had simply become accustomed to my name in all its oft-mispronounced, misspelled glory.

Hyphenating didn't make sense. (For those of you who don't speak Korean, if you put Khang and Chang together with proper pronunciation you get something very close to the word for "soy sauce".) And as open-minded as Peter was trying to be, we couldn't think of a way to explain to his parents why their first-born son was giving up his family name. (He still laughs when students or colleagues of mine mistakenly refer to him as Mr. Khang.)

So I stayed Kathy Khang. The kids' friends call me Mrs. Chang, and I don't make a big deal about it. When folks ask, I happily explain. I love my husband, and my children with whom I do not share a last name, and I love my name.

There are many women in the scriptures who go nameless. The woman at the well. The Samaritan woman. The bleeding woman. I love their stories. And I really do love the story my name tells. Khang - in Korean tradition the family name comes first. Kathy - given to me by my parents when we immigrated to the states because it started with the same sound as my given name. KyoungAh - my Korean name given to me by my paternal grandfather, according to tradition; the characters mean "congratulations" because I was the first daughter born to the family in three generations.

Back to the name tag.

Despite my slightly rebellious tendencies, I am still Asian American. I don't want to embarrass anyone by asking for a new tag, and I don't want to seem too liberal. I don't want to draw any more attention to our family than we already do when we walk into the sanctuary.

What should I do?

How are we different?

2008-02-19T09:59:00.000-08:00

We've been doing our best for the past few months at hiding at our local church. We've been blessed and quite impressed at how we've been welcomed and greeted ("Hi, I've not had the chance to introduce myself." and not once "Hi, are you new here?"). The kids have transitioned well into Children's Church, though the idea of a separate Sunday School hour is still taking some getting used to. We've attended the Inquirers Class to get to know the church and the denomination better. But overall, we've tried to keep a low profile, slipping out as quickly as we can after service.

But lately, Peter and I have felt a tug in our hearts. Are we willing to invest into the life of the church knowing that some things will feel different? Until two years ago, we had attended a predominantly Korean-American second gen church where social and cultural connections generally flowed seamlessly into spiritual connections. There was no worrying about what to serve or not serve for impromptu meals together. No explaining why we related to our parents the way we did even though we are grown adults with families of our own.

Peter and I were talking about church, and joked about how we stood out as a family on any given Sunday morning. We've been keeping a low-profile, but there are some things we can't hide, right?

But then my daughter said something that gave me a moment of panic. "Huh? What do you mean we stick out? How are we different?"

My husband and I nearly stopped breathing.

Bethany is developing a wicked sense of humor so for a moment we weren't sure if she was joking with us, but it was soon obvious that it wasn't immediately obvious to her how we were different.

And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't want my kids to wear their ethnicity as an angry badge, but I want them to be wisely aware. Does that make sense?

Ironically, I've taught on ethnic identity to college students and adults. Any thoughts on translating this for personal use?

21 Shoeboxes and Alternative Church Sundays

2007-11-26T12:06:00.000-08:00

I live in the suburbs where we desperately need Jesus. Teaching our children about the world through the lens of our privileged world is difficult to say the least.

During our church homeless period, we periodically took Sundays to "home" church with lessons from various news clippings to spur on the conversation. Over the summer a colleague on InterVarsity staff alerted us to an exhibit downtown. Doctors Without Borders was setting up a refugee camp in the heart of the city, and we took the kids to do church at the exhibit. Instead of sitting in pews that Sunday, we stood in line talking to the kids about starvation, war and basic needs. It was one of our best Sunday experiences yet.

Last year the kids each filled a shoebox for Operation Christmas child, and having the kids help purchase and collect things for three shoeboxes was a good experience. We bought things they would want (I kept saying, "If you think it's a junky toy and you wouldn't play with it why would you give it to someone else?") and then talked about how we probably would have had more shoeboxes had we planned ahead.

So for the past year we collected the shoeboxes from every pair of shoes we bought - 21 boxes to fill. (Even though Bethany's feet grew two full sizes I was still horrified.) We brought along a friend and the kids thoughtfully selected flashlights, hair pins, small toys, soap, etc. and we filled and wrapped and talked. It's not the solution. It's a step.

We live in the suburbs where many of our neighbors never have to worry about having enough toys or soap for their children. We live in the suburbs where many neighbors are working like crazy to keep up with their neighbors, living paycheck-to-paycheck with a smile on the outside. We desperately need Jesus more than we know it.

What are some of the things other suburbanites are doing to connect their families with God's heart for the world?

Trick or Treat

2007-10-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

Halloween was never a pagan holiday for me and my sister. The Korean church I grew up attending did not have discussions about sponsoring an alternative Halloween event. It was an American holiday, and we were going to do our best to fit in. Never mind that it seemed like a huge waste of money to be giving away candy to strangers. Celebrating Halloween became part of the bi-cultural fabric of our family.

I remember long nights walking the streets of what is now the edges of Chicago's Koreatown wearing plastic masks that are now banned in many schools and eating candy along the route. This before needles and razor blades in chocolates, before the Tylenol scare, before hospitals offered to x-ray bags of candy, before trick-or-treating became a daytime event.

My favorite costume was my Jeanie costume - as in "I Dream of Jeanie". It was a plastic costume with a plastic mask. I thought I was Jeanie who died and woke up in Candyland. Perfect. The icing on the cake was getting to the best three-flat in the neighborhood. You know, the one that gave out chocolates or packs of gum. (I actually didn't mind the pennies because 10 pennies meant a stop at the corner store on the way home from school. I never did like the popcorn balls, though.)

What was your favorite Halloween costume? And what was the best door in the neighborhood to knock on?

Reflections on a Weekend as Queen

2007-10-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

Stepping into leadership was easier for me in high school. I'll have to psycho-analyze myself some other time, but it seemed appropriate to run for student and class council, to put myself in the ring for section editor, to try out for the pom pon squad.

But stepping into leadership as an adult involves a lot more second-guessing, more internal conversations between the voices that say, "You can't do it! You shouldn't do it! You should do it!" It's very loud in my head sometimes.

So when the women's conference planning committee members were asked to consider what we might enjoy doing I sat silently. It doesn't seem appropriate to volunteer myself for this or that, or to say, "Hey, I think I'd really do a great job doing such and such." It's more appropriate to simply sit, listen to what others want to do, and do what no one else wants to do.

There were some thoughts, some louder than others, running through my head during that meeting. I think Sharon might have noticed me sitting there making funny faces as I struggled with this internal conversation and she threw my name in the hat for emcee.

I felt my response to her invitation to lead later required a written note of apology and thanks - sorry for sounding like an idiot as I dismissed her suggestion, and thanks for seeing something in me that I wouldn't dare consider.

So I spent this weekend as the self-appointed queen/emcee for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Midwest Cluster Women's Conference. I shared from upfront how when I and others in IVCF think of an emcee we think of Greg Jao - a dear friend and mentor of mine, and how that terrifies me. And I shared about the anxiety I was experiencing as I stepped into that upfront role. Seriously, who wants to be compared to a Greg Jao or an Auntie Jeanette? Because honestly I didn't like how I was comparing myself to them so how I could I bear being compared to them by others.

I decided that Greg's santa hat was a great idea, but that while I would gladly borrow the idea I would need to make it my own. I look better in a tiara than a santa hat.

I decided about two minutes into the conference that I was more afraid of what God might say to me than what I might say from up front.

I realized that I still stumble for a response when someone asks me to step into leadership, but that I've also learned how to accept compliments with more grace and gratitude than before.

I was reminded that being open to what God is doing in my life is both hard and amazing. My body still aches from exhaustion. My heart and soul are still restless and eager to process what God was revealing this past weekend.

And my tiara will have a special place in my happy green office to remind me to be open, sensitive and courageous for such a time as this.

What a cute baby! Guess who it is. Duh.

2007-08-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently it's the tradition at school for 3rd graders (and now 6th graders at the middle school) to get to know their classmates by sharing some facts about themselves posted alongside a baby picture.

The assignment goes something like this: Did you cry a lot as a baby? Did you sleep a lot as a baby? What was your favorite baby toy? etc, etc. Please bring a baby picture sealed in an envelope with your name on the envelope. Photos will be returned when we are done with the classroom project.

The photos are posted alongside the blurb of information, but there are no names. The idea is that each child must guess at the identity of the baby based on the baby picture and the information.

When my daughter did this in 3rd grade she was the only Asian American in the class; she is the only AA in her 6th grade life skills class. From what I can tell so far, my son is the only one in his class this year.

So I don't want to be hyper-sensitive and find racism in everything. There are not many redheads in my son's class so that would be an easy one, unless the redheaded child didn't have much hair as a baby. My daughter didn't come home traumatized that everyone identified her photograph with little to no discussion. And my son is the one who still doesn't understand why a classmate would come up to him at the playground yelling "Chinese eyes" since he isn't Chinese.

Yet the fact remains we live in a highly racialized society and culture.

There is a part of me that cringes at the assignment and some of the messages it may send unintentionally. There is an underlying assumption that the baby pictures will look similar enough that there is an element of surprise and competition. There is also an element of competition and pride for the kids - "It took the class "x" minutes to figure out which picture was mine."

For my daughter, her friend "E" from Kenya, and my son there is no element of surprise.

Unless the photo I send is the one where they are so bundled up you can barely make out a face.

Here's the kicker for me. My daughter is doing this assignment for her life skills class. Personally, I can think of several other life skills these new 6th graders need to learn.

Rice & Seaweed in the Thermos

2007-08-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

I love my children. I am just very grateful for the local public school system.

All three kids are off to school (though Elias shed a few tears today, causing a few other moms to cry for him), and we are trying to get into a new rhythm. The boys and I walk to the elementary school, and Bethany rides off on her bike to the middle school. Depending on the morning, Peter joins us or waves as he drives off.

And when we're lucky, everyone has remembered their backpacks, homework, and lunch boxes.

The novelty of the school lunch wore off fairly quickly, so we've had to get creative. What will they joyfully eat in the 20 minutes (!) they get for lunch? Bethany and Corban got smart. They asked for leftovers in a Thermos. Every now and then the leftovers are recognizable to friends - meatloaf, mac & cheese, spaghetti. But more often than not, leftovers involve sticky white rice and some sort of marinated meat or fish. Even better are the fragrant soups full of oxtails, seaweed or radishes.

Having been the brunt of much teasing and ridicule during my childhood (we were the 1st Asian American family to move into our suburban school district), I must admit that I worry a bit that bringing seaweed soup would create some social difficulties for my children. One might argue (and believe me I have tried) that cheese has a pretty pungent smell. But kids know cheese. They even get processed cheese food in a can. But seaweed?

Why God why? Maybe it's the four weeks of seaweed soup I ate post-partum with each of my children to help my recovery and breastmilk production (thanks, Mom!) that they love it so. Maybe they like the shades of green and the opacity of the broth against the glimmer of the Thermos.

The first few times Bethany or Corban take something "new" for lunch I try to be cool. I don't ask them whether or not their friends wanted to know what was in their lunch. I don't ask them if anyone commented on the odors released when said Thermos is opened. I just closely monitor the contents of the Thermos when I do the dishes.

I was genuinely surprised when the Thermoses would come home empty. Maybe some rice (sorry, Mom) stuck to the bottom, but pretty close to empty.

I guess the thing that I feared most - that their friends would make fun of them and their food choices - doesn't matter to them because it hasn't turned out that way? I know friends have asked, and made a comment here and there. Maybe Bethany and Corban are so hungry that rice and seaweed soup is better than cardboard pizza with fruit cocktail cups? Maybe they don't care what other people think? Maybe they are more comfortable in their own skin than I give them credit for?

Having children forces me to deal with my stuff, the old stuff from years ago that has spilled into my 30s. Their worldview and understanding of being Asian American forces me to deal with my understanding of Asian American so that I don't freeze myself in time much like my parents' generation did.

Next time: Thoughts on the "Guess whose baby picture this is" game.

Is this how West is different from East?

2007-08-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

When you get caught doing something wrong, really, really, hurt other people wrong, what do you do? How do you respond, and how do you feel about yourself?

Here in America a car salesman gets caught sending flowers to his girlfriend because the florist sends the bill to the house...where the salesman's wife sees the receipt. His reaction? He sues.
http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/08/13/314223.aspx

In China, the head of a Chinese manufacturer linked to the lead-tainted Sesame Street toys kills himself.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/08/13/china.toymaker.ap/

Again, I know that these are extreme examples that are complicated, but I think it was my own reaction that was rather unsettling.

When I heard about the company CEO's suicide, I could understand it. I wouldn't follow in his footsteps, but I could see how his train of thought might have gone.

It's not just guilt. It's not just the financial hit. It's the shame. My cousin, "Denise", and "Chris" - they all felt the shame and couldn't silence the demons.

When I heard about the salesman suing the florist, I couldn't understand it at all.

Is there something redeeming or worth redeeming in such shame? Is there something redeeming or worth redeeming in personal rights and entitlement?

Lord have mercy on us all.

Yellow at the pool

2007-08-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Are you what you read? Or better yet, does the book you're reading say something about you?

I realized I must have looked rather unfriendly, or at the very least a bit too serious to be sitting at the pool smelling of sunscreen, with this summer's collection of titles: Yellow, Living on the Boundaries, Divorce and Remarriage in the Church, Crucial Confrontations, The Opposite of Fate, The Woman Warrior and Grace Eventually.

Now some of you are wondering how in the world I had time to read as much as I did. Well, I read at night and in the afternoon I get to read at the pool.

Now some of you are wondering why at the pool. Thanks to my frugal parents, I hate running the a/c during the peak hours of 12-4, which means I feed the kids lunch and we head out to the pool so I can maximize the benefits of having an annual pool pass. (It really is cheaper than running the a/c.) I get there early, grab a seat under the big umbrella, and because my kids are older it's safe to watch them from the concrete pool deck as they spend vast amounts of time submurged in chlorinated water.

I've made a few very unscientific observations:
Most days I'm the only "yellow" person around. Tans not included.
People are more likely to talk to me when I am not holding a bright yellow book titled "YELLOW", even if I am reading the book with a smile.
People are most likely to talk to me when I am struggling to keep the sunscreen from ruining my copy of Real Simple or People magazine.
My books are too serious for the pool.

Well, the pool season is almost over, but I still have a few good weeks of reading left.

Any recommendations? What are you all reading? What does the book say about you?

Boundaries, enmeshment and justice

2007-06-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

A friend recently had 20 young people stay at his house. He had about 10 hours notice before they descended on his 2 bedroom home. A group of young people from the garbage village needed a place to stay. He received a call at 11:45pm that night. What could he do?

We were talking about this at lunch. His repeated attempts at trying to draw healthy boundaries with the leader did little good.

I'm beginning to wonder if boundaries are the luxury of the middle class. Is there such thing as boundaries when you're doing justice work?

I've wondered about boundaries, Asian American families, and Christian discipleship. What therapists call "enmeshment" is a common occurrance in Asian American families. Is it an issue that we need to fight against in the Asian community. Or is family therapy culturally bound.

What some might called "enmeshed" has great characteristics. There's a wonderful sense of involving everyone, and a corporate identity that is a healthy antidote to a narcissitic individualized model. But it has its problems too.

From my limited vantage point, it comes across as parents who are very upset at a young person's decision. A lot of emotional pressure lands on the young person to comply to their wishes. I've heard extreme cases of threatening suicide unless a young person changes their plans. More common examples are sleepless nights, extreme anxiety, etc. Are the young people just clueless and self-absorbed? Or is the older generation enmeshed? Both?

Is this just how things get done in Asian American households? What's the Christian response?

What's cultural? What's Christian? What's do we embrace and what do we work against?

AAs on campus making news for their numbers

2007-05-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

Here's an article looking at the rise of Asian Americans
in Christian fellowships. This topic seems to have hit
the mainstream media about 10 years ago and continues
to make news.

MTST's Christie Heller de Leon is quoted in it.

Evangelicals build flock on campus At Cal, Christian groups find ...
San Francisco Chronicle - San Francisco,CA,USA
At Cal -- which now has among the highest Asian American attendance in the nation at 43 percent of undergraduates -- InterVarsity was predominantly white ...

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/05/21/ASIANGOD.TMP

Making Right a Wrong or Going Green With a Touch of Rebellion

2007-05-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

What would you do if someone in authority told you couldn't do what you knew to be the right thing? Is it better to obey the authority or disobey the authority and do the right thing?

My daughter considered the options and opted for the latter.

She's grown up with computers, cellphones and recycling. The first two have become necessary evils in my world, but recycling has become a practical way for the entire family to care for creation. We started composting last year and recycle everything we can. The schools have recycling bins, and encourage the staff and students to recycle as well.

But when there are special lunch days (when you can order a sub sandwich from a local shop), you are not allowed to carry anything out of the lunchroom unless it's in their lunchbox (which they don't have since they ordered their lunch for special lunch day). So on those days, hundreds of recyclable bottles get tossed away.

Except one bottle. Bethany said she asked the lunchroom monitor if she could carefully carry the bottle to the bathroom to dump it out to recycle in class. She was told she couldn't even though she explained why she wanted to do what she wanted to do. She told me she thought about it and figured it was better to sneak the bottle out the lunchroom and recycle it.

We talked about her taking the issue up with her teachers and principal and finding ways to make special lunch days fun for the kids and better for the earth. We talked about how she felt unheard and dismissed by the lunch monitor. We talked about trying to honor God, and I told her how it's exciting to hear how thoughtful she is about the day-to-day things (we'll ignore the state of her room right now),

But was she right to sneak the bottle out of the room for the sake of going green? What rules have you broken in order to do what you thought was right?

Four Eyes and No Bridge

2007-05-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

So where is a girl to get a hip pair of glasses with nose pads?!

My daughter is beautiful - inside and out. She has these crazy dimples that look like we poked her with a pencil and this infectious giggle. She also has great hair that takes a day to dry.

And she was genetically doomed as both Peter and I are nearsighted. She finally failed the school eye exam so we went to get a full exam done having already predicted the end result - glasses.

She tried on half the store's inventory, vogueing every step of the way, and finally picked these very fun pink plastic frames. After about 30 seconds she realized they weren't going to work because they kept sliding down because the frames were designed with some other kind of face in mind.

Undeterred she finally found a cute black and red pair of glasses with nosepads - which after two hours of adjusting still don't sit correctly on her face.

The eyeglass tech person seemed rather annoyed and tried to end things by saying, "Well, she doesn't have much of a bridge now does she?"

Fortunately my filter worked because the thoughts didn't come out of my mouth but simply hung in the air in the invisible thought bubble: "And your point is?"

So, Bethany likes the glasses (and thankfully her nose) but hates that they don't actually fit well. We can't be the only ones. What have you all done to keep myopia from cramping your style?

Just Minding My Own Business

2007-05-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

That's what I was doing - just minding my own business one day. I was dropping off some old clothes to the local Goodwill glad to finally get some clutter out of the house and happy to be able to cross another thing off my to do list. I was in my car pulling out of the parking lot when a middle-aged Caucasian woman motions to me that she wants me to stop to say something to me. Curious, I stopped and rolled down my window. She then says rather abruptly, "Yeah, hi, are you the one that's here to open up LA Nails?" Barely a hello, no recognition that she was interrupting me, and no explanation of why she asked what she did.

I was confused and thrown off guard for a moment, my brain was unable to process what it was that she was asking me. I had thought she was about to ask for directions or something and it took me a moment to register what was happening. It dawned on me that she thought that I was there to open up the nail salon.

She thought I was the manicurist.

I imagined how it probably happened - She had come, was disappointed that the shop was not open as it should have been, was about to leave, saw me and thought that she would be able to get her $10 manicure after all. I didn't understand why she would have thought that until I realized that it was because I was Asian American. I told her no and drove away sad that her main concept of an Asian American woman seemed to be limited to someone that does her nails.

It bothered me not because there's shame in working in a nail shop. But rather it bothered me because I felt like I wasn't really there. I am a whole person - with likes and dislikes, connections and relationships to other people, a history and a story. But all she saw was someone that looks like the person who does her nails. I guess that's the sting of a stereotype - it reduces you to such a small silver of who you really are. Like all Asians are good at math. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But even so, there's so much more to you than that. When others don't see that or interact with you that way, it just serves as a reminder of how much distance there is left to go.

Resident Alien

2007-05-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am a resident alien. My port of entry was Seattle, and my family was headed to Philadelphia. Our visit with extended family and friends in Chicago lasted a lifetime. But, I am still not an American.

Initially it was because of a misunderstanding. My parents had mistakenly been told that their application for citizenship would automatically include their child. Instead of citizenship I was issued a green card (which actually isn't green, FYI) and retained Korean citizenship.

But no one knew. Resident aliens aren't green. Resident aliens don't look a certain way, sound a certain way, act a certain way. However, I learned that Americans must look a certain way, sound a certain way because telling people over the years that I was from Chicago rarely sufficed.

Asian American sisters and brothers, you know what I'm talking about, right? It's the "Where are you from" conversation that must include an explanation of where you, your parents, grandparents, etc. are from since "Name your all-American city, town, village" couldn't possibly be the simple answer. Even though I had no recollection of being in Korea (I was 8 months old when I immigrated to the states), America couldn't possibly be my home.

The lesson was reviewed after the VTech massacre. Seung-Hui Cho was identified as a resident alien, an immigrant. He was not American. In very few instances was he even Asian or Korean American. Korean government officials apologized and sent their condolences. Even though Cho had left Korea more than a decade before, he was still Korean. Even though Cho had lived longer in America than he had in Korea, it seemed that America wanted nothing to do with him, his isolation, his darkness.

Well, apparently Pat Buchanan wants others to believe that Cho and my Korean American brothers and sisters are part of an invasion. His op ed piece scares me, angers me, exhausts me:

"Almost no attention has been paid to the fact that Cho Seung-Hui was not an American at all, but an immigrant, an alien. Had this deranged young man who secretly hated us never come here, 32 people would heading home from Blacksburg for summer vacation.
What was Cho doing here? How did he get in?
Cho was among the 864,000 Koreans here as a result of the Immigration Act of 1965, which threw the nation's doors open to the greatest invasion in history, an invasion opposed by a majority of our people. Thirty-six million, almost all from countries whose peoples have never fully assimilated in any Western country, now live in our midst.
Cho was one of them." Pat Buchanan, May 1, 2007

I am one of THEM. I am one of those 864,000 Koreans who have invaded this country.

Days after the shootings, I downloaded the INS application for naturalization. I began to fill it out, and I cried. I've waited years, hoping that South Korea and the US would offer dual citizenship because I am a daughter of both countries. My father strongly recommended I complete the application as soon as possible, but I couldn't. Maybe in the days or weeks to come I will...

I've had lengthy conversations over the years about how our identity as Christ-followers should or should not be qualified by our ethnic or racial identities, how loving Jesus means it does or doesn't matter that we are gendered beings. I am first a Christian, a Christ-follower, a sinner. I am a resident alien to this country and to this world.

But does it matter that I am a Korean American woman?

Book and Art Highlights

2007-04-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

"It looks like they are eating sushi at the last supper!"
I was meeting in the home of my pastor and he corrected me, "They
are eating sushi." We went on to discuss the Japanese artist who
worked with predominantly Christian themes in a traditional folk
art medium. The imagery, the Asian symbols, and MY FOOD
on the table before the Lord and the disciples. Suddenly, I felt connected
to the last supper in a way that my views of "The Last Supper" in
the Art Institute in Chicago never did. The European
masters made the last supper their own by giving the disciples anglo faces,
and putting loaves of bread (instead of matzoh). Here was an Asian artist doing
the same thing...and I was struck again by the power of image and art.

This morning, I opened a book to the silkscreened image:
"Junia mistaken as Junius.' And then I started to cry.

It hit me, so suddenly, the personal nature of the academic debates.
The image showed a woman, with flowing hair, fully feminine, in the fetal
position, locked up in the hollow sculpture of the head of a man.
The image captured the person behind the academic debate for me.
And for the first time, I heard the debate of "Is Junia a man/woman?"
from Junia's perspective. What would it feel like to have someone question
my gender b/c of the things that I accomplished?

Some book recommendations.
"She Has Done a Beautiful Thing for Me"
by Anne C. Kwantes
A collection of bios of Asian Christian women and women working in the Asian context.
Strengthens the historical record of the spiritual legacy of Asian women.

"Remembering the Women"
Women's stories from Scripture for Sundays and Festivals
This is a collection of the scriptures in which a woman plays a role.
It's a very nice, and handy reference as well as being a helpful devotional
guide. There's a very interesting article on gender and the omission of
women's stories in the liturgical readings.

Virginia Tech

2007-04-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

This morning, the phone woke me. "Did you hear the Virginia Tech shooter was Asian?"

The first phone call I received in my office this morning, "Let's pray for Virginia Tech, but
also that there will be no backlash against Asians."

As I read the newsposts, its striking to me. I was searching more facts about what happened,
explanations, analysis. But I also felt a bit nervous about how race would be brought up, and what it would be used to support.

I'm not sure what to make of the fact that most of the journalists mentioned that the man from South Korea was a resident alien. It might just be accuracy from a journalistic perspective. But as a man who immigrated to the US in the mid-90s, I wonder what they were trying to say.

I was a bit upset that several of the articles went to the Department of Homeland Security and cited their data as "His point of entry in the US was..." It felt like they were tracking the port of entry for a terrorist--as if "people from this country don't do these types of things." Somehow, I felt like a stranger in my own country. Perhaps I'm being a bit sensitive--but I feel a strange identification with the young man. It's the whole, "What will they think of us (Asians)?" mentality.

The JACL and the Asian American Association of Journalists have highlighted this. Here's a statement from the journalists.

“As coverage of the Virginia Tech shooting continues to unfold, AAJA urges all media to avoid using racial identifiers unless there is a compelling or germane reason. There is no evidence at this early point that the race or ethnicity of the suspected gunman has anything to do with the incident, and to include such mention serves only to unfairly portray an entire people.

“The effect of mentioning race can be powerfully harmful. It can subject people to unfair treatment based simply on skin color and heritage. “

This morning, I'm filled with sadness for this young troubled man. I'm also grieving for the students on the campus who went to bed not knowing that was their last night. I'm grieving for the parents who cannot get the information and answers that they need. And for a campus that is stirred up, cloudy, and soaked in this violence.

But I'm also very sad for Asian American men on the campus. And I wonder what it is that they go through. If I were to walk, for one day, in their shoes, would I be strong enough to absorb what they go through on a daily basis?

Lord, have mercy on us all.

Asian American Women's Workshop

2007-04-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to "Origin of our Dreams" the Asian American Student Conference. Christie Heller de Leon was speaking (with Paul Tokunaga).

In the afternoon, I lead two workshops: one for Asian American women, and another for others ABOUT Asian American women.

The first session we discussed the accessories for life that our families, our campuses, society, and friends give us. In some ways we work hard to acquire the accessories for life that we think we'll need for the future--a specific degree, certain job experience, a significant other that reflects the life we want to grow into.

The second session had a pretty dynamic discussion. The men had a lot of questions to ask--it sounds like there's a lot of mystery and a lot of bites from Asian women. I appreciated the learning posture that so many men brought in. We talked about "what to Asian men do that makes the situation worse" and "How do you affirm Asian women--they get mad when I do, they get mad if I don't."

The thing that struck me is that so often, when we don't know what to do, we don't do anything at all. My exhortation to the guys was, "Try! Go out and get data! Each person is different, and you'll make loads of mistakes. Better to try and make lots of mistakes now, but be able to make educated guesses later."

I think there's a "curse of not-knowing" that paralyzes us from taking risks, especially in our Christian discipleship.

Success and failure after 30

2007-04-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

While riding in a car with a few friends, the conversation jumped to every topic. We covered life, landscaping, love...but one comment sticks out.

"Success has nothing to teach a man after 30...."
We were talking about spiritual formation theory. My friend, Henry, a man in his 40s shared about some of the lessons and choices he was making. We talked about ascending and descending and spiritual journeys. And then this comment about success came out.

I've been thinking about it a lot and wondering what it means. Intuitively, it makes a lot of sense. But what does it reveal about the formation of non-whites or women? For Asian American women, for female Christians, is it success or failure, or stagnation that God uses to speak and shape us in this middle season?

I wondered about success and its connection to self-doubt. Tracey covers self-doubt well in her chapter on leadership. I continue to be surprised at the prevalance of self-doubt among many women leaders. How does God work with us in our self-doubt, and what does he use to shape us into people who understand the power of God? Is a ministry success part of understanding, for women, God's power...is it connected to the self-doubt that most women leaders experience. Or is it something else?

Spiritual Self-Esteem

2007-03-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

I working on some material for a women's luncheon. The topic is "spiritual self-esteem" which is sort of an interesting topic. It seems to merge a couple the "Christian" side of me and the "western" side of me, but I wonder what role self-esteem plays in the Asian context.

As I've been wandering around in various gender/culture/faith circles discussing issues raised by the book, I've had a growing conviction that its important to have men engaging on this issue. Our book often gets quickly relegated to the area of "women's ministry". I'm glad that its there, but Kathy raised the question, "When will people look at the issue of gender as a church health issue?"

One of our recent discussions "Navigating gender sub-cultures in your congregation" moved the gender discussion into a safer zone for both. I've felt more freedom talking about the subject of gender in academic settings. However, I'm still not sure how do you talk about gender dynamics in a church setting that doesn't marginalize or make people defensive.

Asian Pacific American Book Festival

2007-03-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

Nikki and I will be attending the Asian Pacific American Book Festival in May. If any of you are going to be in LA in May, please come! It looks to be a really interesting event with APA authors from all walks of life. I'll be on a panel with other APA authors who deal with spirituality.

Origins of our Dreams

2007-03-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

The IVCF Pacific Region will host an Asian Pacific American Student Conference on April 13-15, 2007. The theme is "Origin of our Dreams." We will look at the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis and explore the themes of dreaming big for ourselves, the community, and the Kingdom. The conference speakers are Paul Tokunaga, Asian American Ministries Coordinator for IVCF/USA and Christie Heller de Leon, UC Davis Staff Team Leader. Check out the website: www.ivevents.com for more details. Registration deadline: April 2

Beauty

2007-03-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

Check out this video from Dove:
It shows the transformation of a "normal" model into a billboard.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/flat2.asp?id=7134

I love the line, "Not even supermodels look like supermodels." The part where they show the digital transformation of a photo was so interesting. I knew that photoshop was amazing, but it's interesting to see how the dramatic adjustments of the face create the ultimate beautiful face.

I've appreciated Kathy's definition of beauty in the chapter on sexuality in the book. She describes physical, spiritual, and emotional aspects of beauty (ie. compassion) that is so helpful.

"How beautiful are the feet of them that brings good news."

Crying like a 7-year-old girl with a skinned knee

2007-03-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

So, what does it mean when a man starts out by saying, "I cried like a 7-year-old girl with a skinned knee?" I'm really asking this. I've actually been asking this of many people ever since I saw a blog post start out with that line. I've been asking men and women, Asian American and not and my very unscientific poll shows women rolling their eyes and saying, "What?!" and men rolling their eyes and saying, "So what." Again, very unscientific. There were a number of men who did respond by saying, "What?!" and they all either work with me or, at least in one case, is married to me.

Having had to parent both a 7-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy I can attest to the fact that both cry like mad when they skin their knees. The only difference is when the child (girl or boy) is told by the parent/authority figure to "stop crying". Have you ever skinned your knee? I'll never forget watching an acquaintance tell his son to "stop crying like a little girl". I made a mental note that afternoon to pray for that young boy's future wife.

It's a little comment, which on my "good girl" days I can let it slide. But I'm growing weary of being a "good girl". I love crying, connecting my soul and body to actually act out what it is feeling, experiencing. I want less to be "good" and want more to be "true" to the woman God intends me to be.

Now pass me a bandaid and some tissue, please.

Failure, shame and the color green

2007-02-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

For those of you who've read the book, there are a few references to the death of my mother-in-law. After she died, my husband and I opened up our home and invited my father-in-law to move in with us. Let's just say I learned quite a bit about myself, about my father-in-law, about my husband, and about how you can take the man/woman out of Asia but you can't take the Asian out of the man/woman.

To help all of us make the transition, we emptied out what had become our family's favorite room - a room off to the side of the main floor that served as the previous owner's home office. We moved in my FIL's king size bed, a dresser, desk, bookcases, etc. to bring a touch of home and privacy.

Short of building a new master suite downstairs, it was the best we could do. And then we did the best we could do. I did the best I could do.

But at some point, the expectations (preparing separate Korean meals when the kids wanted spaghetti) and the realities (that I could barely get the spaghetti on the table, never mind the brown rice and kalbi-tang) collided. Peter and I realized that this was not a long-term solution.

Even my FIL felt the tension as he was used to being more the center of the family. Here in Libertyville the center of the family is always moving. One day it's Bethany getting ready for her ballet classes. The next day it's Corban and his lost lego piece.

My FIL has moved in with my sister-in-law. He tells people he would rather live in Chicago but he didn't want to be a burden to me. Yes, I physically cringed when I first heard that.

But, Peter and I are trying to move beyond unhealthy guilt, balance it with love for my FIL, and live.

So the room that was once the "tv room" and then became "halabujee's room" is becoming "my office". Peter and I tore out the ugly blue carpet to find a hardwood floor that needed some love. Peter lovingly sanded, poly-stinky-stained it, painted the trim and then last night helped me with the first coat of Pepper Grass green, eggshell finish. It was the first time I spent more than a few seconds in that room since the end of last year when we moved the last of my FIL's things out...

My office is now very green - vibrant, rich, full of hope and a little weird.

Northwestern University

2007-02-16T12:31:00.000-08:00

Come join us in Chicago. Kathy Khang and I will sit on a panel looking at the women and religion sponsored by Northwestern University.

Southern Cal Visit

2007-02-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

We're just returning from a series of events at Azusa Pacific University and a reception in Los Angeles. Asifa and I attended a couple of days of events including a couple of classroom visits. Tracey and I sat on a panel with a couple of women from "Asian Amerian Women on Leadership". It was a great discussion.

During the day, I appreciated the questions that students raised. We had an honest conversation about modern-day racism and challenges of media stereotypes. A professor in social work, a Latina, made the connection that the discussions between the various racial groups have a lot of overlap. She's thinking about adding the book to her curriculum.

Yesterday morning, Mission Year President Leroy Barber informed me that they are including the book as part of their training curriculum.

Study of Asian American Women Work/Family Balance

2007-01-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

*****************************************************************
I am an assistant professor of Women's Studies at the University of
Massachusetts, Amherst, and am conducting a study on how Asian
American women balance work and family responsibilities. If you or someone
you know
would be available to participate in survey for this study, it would
greatly contribute to understanding the challenges and concerns of
this understudied group of women and their mothering and work
experiences.

http://www.questionpro.com/akira/TakeSurvey?id=567154

The study is supported by an American Association of University Women
Postdoctoral American Fellowship, a grant from the Institute of Asian
American Studies at UMASS Boston and a research leave from UMASS
Amherst.
The survey will be completely confidential.

Unfortunately, I cannot offer any remuneration, other than the
satisfaction of knowing that your participation will potentially help
to raise awareness and facilitate workplace practices and policy
initiatives to better serve
Asian American working families. In addition, you may find the
survey
itself enjoyable and useful for gaining a deeper understanding of your
own experiences and how they compare to other Asian American women.

At the end of the survey, you can enter your name into a raffle for a
$100 book gift certificate as well as provide your contact information
if you are willing to participate in a follow-up interview. Thanks
and best wishes!

Miliann Kang
Assistant Professor of Women's Studies University of Massachusetts,
Amherst mkang@wost.umass.edu

2007-01-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Here is an excerpt from a reader, Ashleigh. I thought she had a very interesting story, as well as very thoughtful engagement with the issues!

------------------------------------------------------------

Nikki,

I had read More Than Serving Tea during exam week
(for the record/curiousity's sake, I'm not AA but white).

At the end of my first year of college I started asking a lot of questions about race, and though other people looked at me funny and told me to chill, I realized it would be completely hypocritical for me to want men to care about me and for me to not try to understand the minority experience and what it might mean for me as a white person. In the middle of the beginnings of this journey I found InterVarsity and realized that was a good place for me to explore these things further/step out in leadership. Nearly two years later, I'm my chapter's M-E Team Leader, out of all things!

Then this past semester it's been interesting to see things swing back the other way-- as I've learned so much about ethnic reconcilation and justice, I've seen a lot of places I need to forgive/heal as a woman and a lot of what I see as gaps in the leadership/scholarship on gender issues. (Everyone focuses on the theological debate, when I see a need for egals to move forward by also discussing more practically what gender rec and justice from a biblical perspective might look like in various areas and how what we've already learned about ethnic rec/justice might help inform that conversation.)

I'm still in the middle of this part of my journey, and I'm not exactly sure where's it's going to go. I've struggled a lot trying to understand how we should stand for truth, when that would make us a source of major disunity. In fact, I think Eph will be part of my journey in some way, though I'm not entirely sure how. But many days I struggle to understand how the church should stand against evil principalities and powers when so much of the church isn't at a pt of understanding/wanting to. Part of what I saw in Eph last week was that somehow unity and being above these powers aren't antithetical (just as, for ex, community vs. outreach isn't supposed to be a real conflict). But I'm still grappling with what all of this looks like for me as an indiv, for the parachurch, for the church, etc.

Ashleigh

A collection of questions

2007-01-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

At book discussions, readings and other Q&A, these questions stick out.

Why did you choose these struggles for Asian American women? Do Asian women in Asian countries have the same struggles?
Women in the Asian diaspora have an interesting dilemna. When their families immigrated, gender roles froze in time. If they immigrated in 1950, their expectations of what a Asian woman froze in 1950. In Asia, these gender roles continue to redefine and evolve in response to changes in the society. Gender roles are dynamic. But, for immigrants watching their young women deviate from these roles (1950s, 1970s, 1920s), changes usually equates "becoming Americanized". It goes both ways. I watch Christian churches in Japan that are frozen singing the hymns that were popular when their pastor came to the US to go to seminary. You can't blame the parents for wanting their young daughters to retain their culture. Our book tries to address and redefine Asian Pacific Islander is more dynamic and fluid terms.

What creates the "friends/enemies" dynamic for Asian Pacific Islander (API) women?
Asifa does a great job in a chapter talking about friendships for API women. She talked about the friendship (and enemy) dynamic. It's weird what a "communal" mindset will do. Suzy might be a close friend--but parents use that same friend to set up the "impossible" standard that you will never achieve. Perhaps you are the impossible standard that alienates your friends. Its a weird dynamic when friendships are personal but also communal.

My favorite quote on this: "Can't you be like _________?" (Fill in the name of your nerd cousin, valedictorian friend, or other mother appointed rival.) Phoebe Eng, author of Warrior Lessons

You do a good job of breaking down images and stereotypes. But images are so powerful and important. What image would you hold up for Asian American women to grow into, strive for?

Good question. Christie did a great job of describing the image--challenging in a respectful way, strong and cognizant of others, etc. But I continue to mull over this...what image would capture the strength and resilence that comes from surviving struggles.

2007-01-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

Asian American Writers Congress to Set Groundwork for the 2007 Asian Pacific American Book Festival

Writers and Emerging Writers Are Encouraged to Attend Free Event at UCLA on May 13, 2006

Noted Asian and Pacific American (APA) authors, publishers and community leaders will gather to commence the first ever Asian American Writers Congress. The purpose of the Congress is to promote networks among APA writers, both emerging and published, and to set the groundwork for the 2007 Asian Pacific American Book Festival in Los Angeles.

The dialogue is open to the public and will take place at UCLA's James West Alumni Center on Saturday, May 13, 2006 from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. and is a project of the Asian Pacific American Legal Center (APALC) and is co-sponsored by UCLA's Asian American Studies Center.

The Asian American Writers Congress will serve to gather these creative artists and also emerging writers who may not know how to effectively reach their readers. This free event will include speakers, a publishing panel, and a discussion with all attendees about their writing journeys. Input will also be solicited on how the 2007 festival can best promote literature either written by or about Asian Pacific Americans. Door prizes include books produced by the festival's advisory council members. Various writing organizations, publishers, and booksellers will have resource materials on display.

"APALC is committed to help Asian Pacific Americans participate in the democratic process, and that often begins with literacy," said Stewart Kwoh, president and executive director, Asian Pacific American Legal Center. "Writers chronicle our experiences. We must encourage the telling of our stories-and that may take the form of memoir, poetry, literary fiction, genres like mystery and science fiction, and even cookbooks. APALC is excited to partner with the creative artists in our communities to reach our audience in new and fresh ways."

2007-01-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

Pacific, Asian, and North American Asian Women in Theology and Ministry

PANAAWTM

22nd Annual Conference

March 22-24, 2007

Union Theological Seminary, New York

3041 Broadway, New York, NY 10027

Religion and Politics in Difficult Times

The conference is for Asian, Pacific, and North American Asian women. The evening panel on March 22 (Thursday) is open to the public.

Become acquainted with the work of our leading religion scholars.

Think about and discuss your own ideas and work.

Participate in the Doctoral Seminar: for those in a doctoral program.

Network with other women.

Share your hopes and concerns.

Meet new sisters from all over North America.

Worship together in various traditions.

Learn new dimensions of religious work and leadership.

Speakers and workshop leaders include the following and others:

Anne Dondapati Allen

Rita Nakashima Brock

Namsoon Kang

Kwok Pui Lan

Boyung Lee

Unzu Lee

Regina Shin

Elizabeth Tapia

Seung Ai Yang

Links

2007-01-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Other places to get information about the book:

http://www.ivpress.com/offers/servingtea/

http://www.ivpress.com/cgi-ivpress/book.pl/code=3371

http://www.ivpress.com/cgi-ivpress/book.pl/review/code=3371

Upcoming Events

2007-01-10T13:28:00.000-08:00

We recently finalized an offer from the Asian Pacific American Book Festival in Southern California. Please look for Tracey Gee on the panel of authors at the event on May 13th at the Japanese American Historical Museum in J-town.

This weekend, I'll be speaking at The River Community Church in San Jose. The River is a great, missional church that is trying to reach out to people in the city. Afterwards, the church is hosting a lunchtime discussion on "More than Serving Tea". The discussion will be geared towards women and men in the church community around what it means be or lead a group of Asian American women.

On Feb. 13th, some of the authors will be appearing at Azusa Pacific University. Co-sponsored by the office of student life, the women's center, and the Asian American students groups on campus, it will be a great discussion on issues raised by the book.

We hope to be on the Northwestern campus (Evanston, IL) in January or February as part of a discussion sponsored by the Asian American Student Affairs office.

Early on in the writing process, one of my friends asked if writing a book was a good vehicle for the material. In this age of media, internet, and visual arts, perhaps a play, a movie or music would be a better vehicle. But publishing a book has set the material in the language of the campus--books. And it's been generating good conversations about the topics of Asian women and faith on campus and beyond. One of the most encouraging "unexpected" items is that the book and these different events are drawing more and more people into the conversation surrounding gender/race/faith. If for no other reason, I'm glad more people are thinking and talking about it.

More than Serving Tea

2007-01-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

This spot will be a place to foster discussion on the unique gifts of Asian American Christian women. It will also look at the intersection between faith, gender, and race.

Everyone is invited into the conversation. We'll share stories, and highlight upcoming and past events around the issues of gender, race, and spirituality.