Spiritual Self-Esteem

I working on some material for a women's luncheon. The topic is "spiritual self-esteem" which is sort of an interesting topic. It seems to merge a couple the "Christian" side of me and the "western" side of me, but I wonder what role self-esteem plays in the Asian context.

As I've been wandering around in various gender/culture/faith circles discussing issues raised by the book, I've had a growing conviction that its important to have men engaging on this issue. Our book often gets quickly relegated to the area of "women's ministry". I'm glad that its there, but Kathy raised the question, "When will people look at the issue of gender as a church health issue?"

One of our recent discussions "Navigating gender sub-cultures in your congregation" moved the gender discussion into a safer zone for both. I've felt more freedom talking about the subject of gender in academic settings. However, I'm still not sure how do you talk about gender dynamics in a church setting that doesn't marginalize or make people defensive.

Asian Pacific American Book Festival

Nikki and I will be attending the Asian Pacific American Book Festival in May. If any of you are going to be in LA in May, please come! It looks to be a really interesting event with APA authors from all walks of life. I'll be on a panel with other APA authors who deal with spirituality.

Origins of our Dreams

The IVCF Pacific Region will host an Asian Pacific American Student Conference on April 13-15, 2007. The theme is "Origin of our Dreams." We will look at the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis and explore the themes of dreaming big for ourselves, the community, and the Kingdom. The conference speakers are Paul Tokunaga, Asian American Ministries Coordinator for IVCF/USA and Christie Heller de Leon, UC Davis Staff Team Leader. Check out the website: www.ivevents.com for more details. Registration deadline: April 2

Beauty

Check out this video from Dove:
It shows the transformation of a "normal" model into a billboard.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/flat2.asp?id=7134

I love the line, "Not even supermodels look like supermodels." The part where they show the digital transformation of a photo was so interesting. I knew that photoshop was amazing, but it's interesting to see how the dramatic adjustments of the face create the ultimate beautiful face.

I've appreciated Kathy's definition of beauty in the chapter on sexuality in the book. She describes physical, spiritual, and emotional aspects of beauty (ie. compassion) that is so helpful.

"How beautiful are the feet of them that brings good news."

Crying like a 7-year-old girl with a skinned knee

So, what does it mean when a man starts out by saying, "I cried like a 7-year-old girl with a skinned knee?" I'm really asking this. I've actually been asking this of many people ever since I saw a blog post start out with that line. I've been asking men and women, Asian American and not and my very unscientific poll shows women rolling their eyes and saying, "What?!" and men rolling their eyes and saying, "So what." Again, very unscientific. There were a number of men who did respond by saying, "What?!" and they all either work with me or, at least in one case, is married to me.

Having had to parent both a 7-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy I can attest to the fact that both cry like mad when they skin their knees. The only difference is when the child (girl or boy) is told by the parent/authority figure to "stop crying". Have you ever skinned your knee? I'll never forget watching an acquaintance tell his son to "stop crying like a little girl". I made a mental note that afternoon to pray for that young boy's future wife.

It's a little comment, which on my "good girl" days I can let it slide. But I'm growing weary of being a "good girl". I love crying, connecting my soul and body to actually act out what it is feeling, experiencing. I want less to be "good" and want more to be "true" to the woman God intends me to be.

Now pass me a bandaid and some tissue, please.

Failure, shame and the color green

For those of you who've read the book, there are a few references to the death of my mother-in-law. After she died, my husband and I opened up our home and invited my father-in-law to move in with us. Let's just say I learned quite a bit about myself, about my father-in-law, about my husband, and about how you can take the man/woman out of Asia but you can't take the Asian out of the man/woman.

To help all of us make the transition, we emptied out what had become our family's favorite room - a room off to the side of the main floor that served as the previous owner's home office. We moved in my FIL's king size bed, a dresser, desk, bookcases, etc. to bring a touch of home and privacy.

Short of building a new master suite downstairs, it was the best we could do. And then we did the best we could do. I did the best I could do.

But at some point, the expectations (preparing separate Korean meals when the kids wanted spaghetti) and the realities (that I could barely get the spaghetti on the table, never mind the brown rice and kalbi-tang) collided. Peter and I realized that this was not a long-term solution.

Even my FIL felt the tension as he was used to being more the center of the family. Here in Libertyville the center of the family is always moving. One day it's Bethany getting ready for her ballet classes. The next day it's Corban and his lost lego piece.

My FIL has moved in with my sister-in-law. He tells people he would rather live in Chicago but he didn't want to be a burden to me. Yes, I physically cringed when I first heard that.

But, Peter and I are trying to move beyond unhealthy guilt, balance it with love for my FIL, and live.

So the room that was once the "tv room" and then became "halabujee's room" is becoming "my office". Peter and I tore out the ugly blue carpet to find a hardwood floor that needed some love. Peter lovingly sanded, poly-stinky-stained it, painted the trim and then last night helped me with the first coat of Pepper Grass green, eggshell finish. It was the first time I spent more than a few seconds in that room since the end of last year when we moved the last of my FIL's things out...

My office is now very green - vibrant, rich, full of hope and a little weird.

Northwestern University

Come join us in Chicago. Kathy Khang and I will sit on a panel looking at the women and religion sponsored by Northwestern University.